Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
