I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
