Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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