True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
