I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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