the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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