I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
