I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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