yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
