btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
