i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
