literally had 100 drinks last night.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize