I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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