your parents love me but you hate me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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