hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
