Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
How's work?
Spinning.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
