he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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