Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
