I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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