Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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