I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
