JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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