When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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