During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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