how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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