a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
