If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
