i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
