I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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