Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize