i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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