Will you blow on my dice?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
