More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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