last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Man, jail baloney is awful.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
