How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
