Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
