I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
