i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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