It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
