It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
