Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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