Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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