if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
