Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
