Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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