So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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