i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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