In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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