Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
