also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
