I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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