apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
