since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
