whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
