i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
