We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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