My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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