the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
