Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think i got beer on your cat.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
