i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
