Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
