Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
