you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
