i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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