He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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