watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
