It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
