It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
