Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
try to milk me bitch
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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