dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
