my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
