So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
