Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
