so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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