I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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