Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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