The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
