She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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