Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
