I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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