i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
