Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
