how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
