I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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