Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize