omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Someone came in the potted fern
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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