it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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