Dual....:-)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
