does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
