Can i not drive my cunt home
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my being single is dangerous.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
