Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think i got beer on your cat.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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