yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
