When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
