I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
