that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
