apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
