I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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