A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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