you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize