I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
