I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
